So, you’ve joined the club no one wants to be a part of, and now you’re trying to figure out a path forward. Or maybe you’ve been divorced for a while and are eager to get unstuck.
First things first: You are going to be OK. Even though it might not feel like it right now, there is a future on the other side of this painful experience. You will rediscover the dreams for your life that are completely separate from your ex.
If you’re a Christian going through divorce, you likely have an added layer of guilt and shame. But you don’t need to take that on.
Maybe you’re someone who feels comforted by facts and statistics. Well, here’s one: nearly 46% of marriages end in divorce. Although that sounds pretty negative, I say it to emphasize that you’re not the only one going through this. It is possible to heal, and even enjoy your life after divorce.
As a Christian and a mom of 3, I’ve been in your shoes. I know it feels daunting to face such massive change.
I know what it feels like to be so devastated when you wake up in the morning, almost as if there’s a massive boulder on your chest. I flip-flopped between feeling numbness, hurt, relief, and anger, often within the span of a single hour. My mind was all over the place, and I struggled to make decisions or get anything done.
In those early stages, what helped me put one foot in front of the other was writing down the 5 most important tasks that I knew had to get done every single day. No matter what happened during the day or what I was worried about, all I had to accomplish were my 5 tasks.
My task list looked like this most days:
1. Spend time with God
2. Take care of my kids and make sure their needs are met
3. Spend at least 5 minutes doing breathwork
4. Think about something I’m grateful for today, no matter how small
5. Do something kind for myself
This might seem simple, but when you’re in the throes of the grieving process, it can be the thing that saves you from staying in bed all day.
When writing your list, ask yourself: what do I need to do right now? Do I need to sit and take 10 deep breaths? Do I need to make dinner for my kids? Do I need to take the garbage out?
When your mind starts spinning and you feel like your world is collapsing, you can pick up your list and focus on what needs to get done.
Take a moment now to write down your 5 tasks. Make sure to include 1 or 2 to take care of yourself. And keep this list close by. If you miss a few one day, that’s OK, just start again the next day. But don’t give up.